Great Balls of Fire

~For those of you that don't keep up on current events, there was a tremendous chemical fire and series of explosions at a hazardous waste disposal plant, located in the far-off, distant land of...Apex, North Carolina. That's right, suburbia USA, adjacent to my hometown, has literally blown itself to pieces:

^ Seeing pictures like this on the BBC and CNN websites scared the crap out of me, since I know people that live in that area, and my mother sometimes works at a school in Apex. Needless to say, I was relieved to learn that my family (in neighboring Cary, only two miles away) is safe.

^The fire occurred at a facility holding toxic chemicals such as cadmium, chromium, mercury, and hazardous organic materials. Local officials aren't sure what ignited the chemicals (my guess: a careless smoker), but at one point they reached 150 feet in height and were accompanied by explosions. The downtown area was soon covered in a cloud of toxic chlorine smog, and rescue workers had to wear full Hazmat gear. I hope the locals have duct tape...

Rain failed to put out the chemical fires, and firefighters did not use water or foam for fear of adding to the blaze. Chemical fires can be nasty! The blaze was finally extinguished at 12:22 am local time.

^16,000 people were evacuated from the area and over a hundred were hospitalized. Some people stayed in schools set up as emergency shelters. I understand that hotels in the area are doing excellent business.

It turns out that the company that operated the facility ("operated" being past tense), EQ Industrial Services, was fined $32,000 in March for six safety violations. Curiously, the dollar amount of the fine is roughly equal to the population of Apex. EQ has generously set up a toll-free information line for area residents and will reimburse displaced residents for their expenses. Gee, we're real sorry and all that we, y'know, contaminated your town with toxic chemicals, but by golly, if you need to stay in a hotel room for a day or two, it's on us!

^ Ironically, the "EQ" of EQ Industrial Services stands for "Environmental Quality".

Although the rain has helped to clear the chemical clouds, the runoff is a toxic sludge of poisonous heavy metals that probably won't add much to the local plant life. It reminds me a bit of Carthage, the arch-rival of the Roman Republic over two thousand years ago. The story goes that after finally conquering the city of Carthage, the Romans executed most of the inhabitants, sold the rest into slavery, demolished all the buildings, and sowed the surrounding fields with salt so that nothing would be able to grow there for a long, long time. I hope Apex fares better.

~Oyasumi.

Boys With Toys

~Yet more North Korean warmongering on this side of the planet. As you may have heard, the Great "Ronrey Reader" declared that his country will conduct a nuclear test soon, without specifying exactly when. More blustering, attention-grabbing, empty threats from a paranoid madman? Perhaps, but a madman to be taken seriously...especially when you're his neighbor and he's packing ballistic missiles.

Like almost everyone else in Japan, I believe North Korea to be the most dangerous threat to international peace. That's where we need regime change, people. Naturally, the minions of our own Great and Powerful Leader commenced with yet more saber-rattling, while declining to actually do or say anything to seriously challenge North Korea. I could be wrong, but does it seem to me that there are maybe, just maybe, threats to America besides Islamic terrorists?

I have a theory of human behavior that I came up with and will now present for your consideration. It's called the "Boys With Toys" theory. It states that, in reality, true adults are extremely rare. Most of the people running the world are just overgrown adolescents (almost universally male) who just want to play with toys and have other people think they're cool. Of course, when you're 10 years old and are at school, you play with a toy gun; when you're 40 years old and are in charge of a country, you play with things like bombs, planes, tax money, people's lives, etc.

My point is that it's all the same, intellectually speaking. Everyone wants to be respected and looked up to by others, and the best ways to do that are to a) be the loudest, b) be the toughest, and c) have the coolest toys. Both Kim Jong Ill and George W. Bush, while obviously quite different, are, in the final sense, perfect manifestations of my "Boys With Toys" theory.

~Oyasumi!

BONUS Penguin!

~Of course, I saved the best for last. There was one more species of penguin in the Ueno Zoo, and I couldn't resist taking a few pictures:

^ What kind of penguin is this, you ask? I think this sign says it all:

^ Jackass Penguin (Spheniscus demersus). Its name comes not from its intellect, but rather from its loud, braying call, which sounds like a donkey (or jackass, if you prefer). Found only off the Southwest coast of Africa, the population of Jackass penguins has plummeted in the past sixty years from 1.2 million to an estimated 120,000 today. Penguin eggs were long considered delicacies, and environmental threats continue to whittle down their numbers, including a terrible oil spill in 2000. Somehow, I think any animal that's been named the "jackass" deserves some slack.

~Oyasumi!

Can You Bear It?

~After chilling with the penguins for a few minutes, I wandered off to explore the rest of the zoo. Close by was another ice-water area containing the legendary polar bear!

^ This polar bear (Ursus maritimus) behaved like a celebrity at the Academy Awards. He paced around the fake rocks, and every minute or so would climb up the highest rock, pose dramatically for the tourists, and roar at the top of his lungs. This never failed to elicit a chorus of "Sugoi!" from the Japanese onlookers.

Remember, polar bears and penguins are never found together in the wild, contrary to what Coca-Cola commercials might show you. Polar bears are native to the Northern Hemisphere, while penguins are native to the Southern Hemisphere.

^ Here's another interesting fact about polar bears: their skin is actually black, not white. Their underfur is thick and white while the top hairs are actually clear; the coat appears somewhat yellow from oxidation. Polar bears shed and regrow all of their fur every year...what a mess that must make!

I could bear-ly pull myself away from these huge mammals, but the tiger pens were nearby, so I went for a look:

^ Remember, this Bengal Tiger (pathera tigris tigris) is a big cat: they sleep for 18-20 hours a day. Besides, there's really not much for Richard Parker here to do except nap in the shade. Fortunately for the onlookers, his preferred napping spot was right next to the viewing area. If there hadn't been any plexiglas, I'd have been able to reach out and pet him. And he would have been able to rip my arm off and eat it.

^ Another tiger was napping on the rocks. This one was substantially larger than the previous tiger, and seemed to have preferred to sleep in the sunlight. He wasn't completely asleep, however; every so often, he'd open one eye and lazily look at the tourists. He was probably gauging how each of us would taste, then mentally discarding the scrawny Japanese in favor of the fat, juicy Americans.

^ Next to the tiger pen was a large area for this gorilla here. Unlike the tigers, he was very active and spent his time munching on leaves, occasionally pacing around. I noticed that the walls of his pen were lined with wires, presumably to keep King Kong here from climbing out and stealing from the vending machines.

^ This isn't exactly Japanglish, but I thought it was funny. Apparently, if the gorilla isn't entertaining you enough, you should bang on the glass to get its attention. If that doesn't work, then throw a five-yen coin over the glass towards the gorilla. I would have tried this, but I didn't have a ¥5 coin on me.

[The hiragana on the left panel reads, "tatakanaide", and on the right, "esawoataenaide". Presumably, "Don't bang on the glass," and "Don't throw things into the pen."]

^ White-Handed Gibbon (Hylobates lar). He's next to the gorilla pen. What an adorable face! This guy hung onto the bars and made funny faces at the ecstatic children. I suppose he has to do something to stave off the boredom.

~The Ueno Zoo is divided into two sections of roughly-equal size, connected by a monorail. Not wanting to stand in line for a half-hour, I opted to walk for five minutes instead. I'm glad I did, because if I'd taken the monorail, I'd have missed this beauty:

^ North American Porcupine (Erethizon dorsatum).This porcupine was climbing on a branch halfway down the path to the other side of the zoo. He was so close that you could reach out and touch him, although that would have been a very, very bad idea. He's covered in sharp quills, but contrary to popular belief, a porcupine cannot "throw" his quills. He can, however, jump at you extremely fast and skewer you with them.

I felt it was a bit irresponsible to let the people get so close to the animals. If the porcupine had really wanted to, he'd have been easily able to jump out of his pen and onto the path.

^Another one of my favorite animals at the Ueno Zoo was this Giant Anteater (Myrmecophaga tridactyla). There was a big kid's show going on nearby, so I was the only one looking at this fellow. He paced ceaselessly back and forth in this pen, probably looking for ants. Again contrary to the popular image, an anteater doesn't suck up ants like avacuumm cleaner; instead, he licks them up with his tongue.

Wouldn't he make a great pet? You'd never have ant problems again (*coughantsinthepantrycough*).

^ There were numerous buildings within the zoo for indoor animals. This giant beast is an Alligator Snapping Turtle (macroclemys temminckii), found in the Louisiana/Mississippi area. For reference, he's at least 2.5 feet long from head to tail. He eyed the nearby children with a gaze that looked, to me, distinctly hungry...

^ This rhinoceross was one of the largest animals at the zoo next to the elephants. He must have been very thirsty, because he drank water from his bowl for at least ten minutes. Either that, or he just drinks very slowly.

^ Looks like he's about to tip over, doesn't it? I wonder if the impact would register on local seismographs. One other thing you might notice about my rhino pictures is the lack of impeding bars or glass. There was only a small wire barrier, perhaps a foot high. Believe me, if that rhino really wanted to get out and trample me, there would be nothing to stop it.

That's about it from the Ueno Zoo. It was certainly a fun trip that Irecommendd to anyone who happens to be in Tokyo with an afternoon to kill. I leave you with this one final animal:

^ Llama (Llama glama -- I swear I didn't make that name up). Now remember, don't forget to feed Tina! ~Oyasumi!