Mercury Falling

~As those of you who read this blog are doubtless aware, I am very fond of word-based humor. Japanglish is an example of this, but I also enjoy puns. I've been trading them for years, and the more obscure and groan-inducing, the better.

Many people hate puns, but I like them, because they involve thinking. I love that moment of realization that people get when you tell them a really far-fetched pun (wait for it...), and they sit there for a moment trying to understand it (waaait for it...), and then, like light bulb being switched on, they understand the joke and unleash a rueful laugh, often accompanied by a groan or an outburst of "Booo!". I find the whole process vastly amusing and quite satisfying.

I've also run across a few good puns in Japanese, which I will share with you. In Japanese, puns are called "Oya-ji gagu" (literally: old-man gags).

I was very interested to see the difference in reaction to a pun between an American and a Japanese person. Most Americans, when told a pun, react the way I described above. The Japanese, on the other hand, have their own expression for this sentiment. When they understand the joke, they wrap their arms around themselves as if shivering and say, "Samui!" (cold!). The idea is that the joke is so bad it makes them feel cold; the worse they perceive the pun as, the colder they pretend to be.

Japanese Pun #1:
Coworker: "David-sensei, what is your favorite sport?"

Me: "Ski suki!" (I like to ski!)

The joke here is that the word "ski" (skiing) sounds identical to the word "suki" (to like). For a more intensely *samui!* reaction, replace "suki" with "daisuki" ("ski daisuki" = I really like to ski).

Japanese pun #2:
"What did the ten ants say to their queen?

"...ari-gatou!"

In Japanese, arigatou means thank you. But ari is also the word for ant, and ari gatou literally means ten ants. The teacher that I replaced at my school was very fond of this pun. Before she left, she made a goodbye poster with ten ants drawn around the border. Her older students got the joke, and when they saw it, they shivered and said "samui!"



Finally, I present you with what may be the coldest of all Japanese puns. When I presented this one to my long-suffering coworkers, they complained that it wasn't just cold, it made their blood freeze. Here it is, Japanese pun #3:

"What's the best bread in Asia?"

"Ja-pan!"

^ "Pan" is the Japanese word for bread; it's actually a loan word from Portuguese. This is because bread was unknown in Japan until Portuguese traders brought it to this islands. Hence the origin of this truly frigid pun. Please be very careful with this one, and do not use it in the presence of a Japanese person if the temperature is below freezing, as it may induce hypothermia. ~Oyasumi!

The Sierra Titanics!

~Here's some interesting science news: the Cassini spacecraft, which has been orbiting Saturn for over two years now, has discovered a mountain range on Titan. Titan is the second-largest satellite in the solar system (it's larger than the planet Mercury), and is the most Earth-like place in the solar system...aside from Earth, of course.

Just like Earth, Titan's atmosphere is mostly nitrogen, although Titan is much, much colder (-288°F) than Earth. Think of Titan as a miniature Earth that's been deep-frozen.

^ A composite, false-color map of Titan's surface, infrared superimposed over radar imaging. The surface of Titan was a mystery to astronomers for many years, because thick clouds obscure the planet's surface (much like Venus). Cassini uses a a combination of infrared and radar imaging to peer through the clouds and reveal surface features.

If you aren't impressed by that, let me restate it for you: a masterpiece of human science and engineering is, at this very moment, creating detailed maps of an alien word over 890 million miles away.

^ The mountain chain on Titan is composed of icy rock and is over 100 miles long. With an average height of about a mile, they aren't the tallest mountains in the solar system, but they are a fascinating geological feature on a world so similar to our own. They also seem to be covered with bright patches that may be organic chemicals such as methane snow. Who's up for skiing?

Their general size and shape is akin to the Sierra Nevada mountains along the California border. Thus I propose the name "Sierra Titanics" for these mountains...which would also be a good name for a rock band. Or a sports team. ~Oyasumi!

Bizarre Teaching Moment #9: Now In Widescreen!

~Today's bizarre teaching moment comes courtesy of one of a four-student class of children in the 9-10 year old range. The lesson was how to express the ownership of an object; for example, the question "What's this?", followed by, "It's David's bike." as an example answer. As part of the lesson, I asked the students about Christmas presents.

Christmas, I should explain, is extremely popular in Japan (more on that in a later post). I asked my students what presents they had previously received for Christmas, and what they wanted. I was expecting them to name toys, sports equipment, dolls, and the like. This being Japan, I should have known better.

Two of the grade-school girls immediately responded with "Wii!" But the truly bizarre answer came from the lone male student, who rattled of a long list of high-tech goods, ending with "Plasma TV!"

I stared at him, incredulous.

"Widescreen!" he added, earnestly.

[On a vaguely-related note, here's a quick tip if you're thinking of buying a TV in the near future. Please understand that the advertised size of the TV in inches is misleading: rather than measuring horizontal or vertical size, the stated measurement is actually the diagonal length of the viewing screen.

As you may recall from math class, the hypotenuse of a right triangle is the longest side...meaning that the actual viewing area of a TV is less than what you might think it is from the ads, especially with the new 16:9 HDTVs.]

After that student's "consumer-oriented" answer, I had them draw pictures of presents for the other students in the class (not for themselves!). While they drew the pictures, I had them query each other with the question and answer pattern. Here are some of the more amusing drawings they came up with:

^ A shinkansen super-express bullet train, *slightly* more expensive than a plasma TV. This is actually "Shinkansen-kun", a character from the same people that concocted Hello Kitty.

^ For those of you that don't do your banking in Zurich, the above backpack is a slightly more sensibly-priced holiday gift, now in an attractive red shade.

^ The aforementioned Nintendo Wii, complete with the motion-sensitive controller on the left.

^ ...a duck?? Maybe this is the Aflac duck, bringing you life insurance for Christmas. Joy.

^ One of the best drawings. You know you want a pet "monnki" for the holidays! This one even comes with a banana, so you can't really lose. [Memo to self: work on proper spelling in this class]

^ One of the students became distressed when she realized that the worksheets I'd made the class didn't have any boxes with my name on them. To remedy this, she turned over the page and drew a new Christmas box on the back for me. The katakana above the picture reads "Tiger".

Folks, it doesn't get much cuter than that. ~Oyasumi!

Terminator vs. Robocop

~Here's another amazing video I ran across on the highways of the Internet. This brilliant, fan-made short movie shows us what might happen in a showdown between cinema's two most famous cyborgs: RoboCop and The Terminator. Of course, The Terminator is technically a "cybernetic organism", not an actual cyborg, but enough semantic quibbling: now watch!


^ The War Begins! What I want to know is, where exactly did that Predator come from? He/It sure showed up out of nowhere. I wonder when Part 2 will be released? ~Oyasumi!

Japanese Pizza: The Horror, The Horror

~On Saturday the staff of my school held a going-away party for my coworker Chris, who is returning to merry old England. The party was also to celebrate the arrival of a new teacher. Rather than going out to a restaurant like we usually do, we decided on something different this time: a pizza party at the school!

^ We closed the school after all the children had gone and ordered from "PIZZA-LA", a popular pizza-delivery chain. That, combined with snacks and copious amounts of alcohol, would make a tasty mix...or so I thought.

^ Like most other food in Japan, the pizza is very different compared to what you can get in America. To start with, there's the sheer size of the pizza...or should I say, the lack of size. The pizza boxes in the above picture are the largest that "PIZZA-LA" sells. I can't help but compare them to the gigantic 16-slice Sicilian-style pizzas that my family likes to get from "Paradise Pizza" back in Cary.

^ Then there's the bizzaro toppings. The pizza above has been generously decked out with cheese, corn, chicken teriyaki, and the crowning touch: seaweed (that's the green stuff). In an effort to broaden by cultural knowledge and widen my culinary horizons, I did try this pizza. Some mysteries, it would seem, were not meant to be explored.

Now, perhaps you're one of those people that like "gomi pizza" (garbage pizza); y'know, the kind with everything on it. I am not one of those people. Like Kevin McCallister, all I want is a lovely cheese pizza, with dough, tomato sauce, and cheese. Unfortunately for me, this option does not exist in Japan, and I can't fathom why. The PIZZA-LA menu includes dozens of increasingly strange pizzas, but lacks what I would consider normal pizza. It's as if there's no base to work off of, no template from which to form new creations. The philosophical implications alone boggle the mind.

^ Rather than the pizza, I think my favorite consumable item that night was the canned saké. Together now...

~Oyasumi!