Did You Say, "Abe Lincoln"?

~Another intensely stressful week has gone by, and now I bring you some much-needed comic relief. The video below was made by the same people that made the "Darth Vader Call the Emperor" video that I posted awhile back. It shows us what our Great and Powerful Leader would do if he were a Star Wars Jedi:


^ Heh heh heh, tacos rule! ~Oyasumi.

A Marvelously Jovial Time

~As I mentioned before, my recent trip to Tokyo was part of "tokubetsu kenshu" (special training), which is considered a company reward for schools that make over a certain amount of money. While the free trip to DisneySea was certainly a reward, the second day of "special training" wasn't quite so fun. It consisted of over a hundred people sitting in a conference room at the Hilton Tokyo Bay, in stifling heat, listening to speeches in Japanese for three hours.

It was torturous. Me having a rather severe cold didn't help matters. However, I did get an opportunity to "observe" an interesting difference in Japanese and American cultures. In Japan, many people will close their eyes when listening to someone else talk; this is not considered impolite, since the person is supposedly closing their eyes in order to listen more closely.

Of course, the opposite is true in America (as so many college students know). It was amusing to see the company director sitting in his chair, looking for all the world like he was napping, while the school managers were delivering speeches. I decided to imitate him...purely to better my understanding of Japanese culture, of course.

Most of the speeches were more-or-less identical and involved lots of bowing and formal language. It was like watching the Academy Awards, with the winners thanking everyone, including their father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate. For schools with Native English Teachers (NETs), the teachers sometimes gave speeches in English, which was honestly the only thing keeping me awake.

The best speech, by far, came from my school. My British coworker Chris concocted a hilarious parody of an acceptance speech, designed to extract revenge for NETs from our Japanese coworkers. Confused? Below is a transcript, but it doesn't do the speech justice. Try to imagine it in heavily-accented British English, like that spoken by the Queen:


"Good morning ladies and gentlemen. I must say what a pleasure it is to have been so cordially invitted to an auspicious occasion such as this. Of course, we have Fukushaco [the title for the company director] and Bucho [the assistant director] to thank for our commendations.

And, my, didn't we have a marvelously jovial time yesterday. It is not often that one can afford such time with one's colleagues, gallivanting around Disney jollities. Why, our manager even shed a few tears on the more vociferous rides. Whether through sheer delight or utter disenchantment one can never be sure.

I must say, my favourite attraction was The Journey to the Centre of the Earth . How thoroughly exhilarating!

Once again, I must express my gratitude, not to my superiors, but to my colleagues. Through sincere determination and passion to superfluate our goals, our schools both achieved and exceeded our objectives.

The hard work and perseverance of my Japanese counterparts was instrumental in my being here with you all today.

Heartfelt thanks, my friends."
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A few sentences in the speech, I was trying (and failing) to keep a straight face, along with my Japanese coworkers who already knew (and understood) what the speech was. The other NETs were were nearly dying of laughter, while the rest of the Japanese staff just sat there numbly, barely understanding a word.

Naturally, that was the whole point--we'd been enduring exactly the same thing from them for an hour! They got a taste of their own medicine, but it was all in good fun. It made the next two hours of listening to dull Japanese speeches marginally more bearable. Marginally. ~Oyasumi!

DisneySea, part 3

~The final ride that I went on at DisneySea was the amazing "Journey to the Center of the Earth", based on the novel of the same name by Jules Verne. Indeed, Verne was the theme of the "Mysterious Island" area (also the name of a Verne novel), which had a sort of retro-science-fiction thing going on. I know that seems like a contradiction in terms, so try to imagine a way science *might* be, rather than the way science currently *is*. A world of mad science run amok, with incredible machines dominating civilization. Actually, that sounds a lot like the real world...

^ "Journey to the Center of the Earth" is located inside of the large volcano in the center of DisneySea. The ride itself is a motion-coaster similar in style to "Indiana Jones Adventure: Temple of the Crystal Skull", but this one features considerably more roller coaster effects, with sudden drops and turns. Before boarding, I read a battery of warning signs warding away those of advanced age, those with heart conditions, those with weak nerves, etc.

The animatronic effects in the ride were hilarious. Somebody had a lot of fun designing bizarre lifeforms that might populate the depths of the Earth. There were huge glowing moths, large bouncing spider-like creatures, and a ferocious, fire-breathing rock worm straight out of Dune. The best part was when the coaster actually goes briefly outside the volcano, circumnavigating the entire "Mysterious Island" area.

^ In the same area is "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea", a submarine ride featuring Captain Nemo and his submarine, the Nautilus. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to take the ride underwater, but I did manage to snap this picture from above.

Night had obviously fallen by this point, and it was almost time to go. Before leaving, I did attend an absolutely amazing show called "BraviSEAmo!", held on an artificial lake near the park entrance. It started with Mickey Mouse dancing around on a boat that goes around the lake. He addressed the audience in his trademark high-pitched (helium-infused?) voice...in Japanese! It was hilarious hearing Mickey squeak, "Meena-sama, genki des ka?" (roughly, "Everyone, are you excited?).

The show was a love story between a water spirit and a fire spirit. What was amazing was what the "spirits" were made out of. The water spirit was literally made out of water, with a giant (~20 feet tall?) fountain forming her torso, and jets of water forming her limbs and hair. I thought it was very creative, and was impressed by how something so simple as water could be seemingly sculpted into a work of art. [Note: I did not take these pictures of BraviSEAmo!; they are from the DisneySea site.]

The fire spirit was equally impressive. After the water woman rode around the lake on her boat with ethereal (and thankfully non-verbal) singing music blaring all around, a huge mechanical dragon rose out of the lake. Jets of fire began blasting all over its body, making it seemingly ignite. Dark, ominous music played as waves of heat rolled over the audience, who responded with a now-familiar chorus of "sugoi!" ("cool!"). The best part was when the volcano from the "Mysterious Island" area actually erupted with fireworks!

The fire and water spirits showed off in front of each other for a while, then synchronized their music and movements. The choreography was impressive and the mechanics must have been a nightmare. The overall effect was impressive, to say the least.

That's it from DisneySea. I hope everyone enjoyed reading about my trip and seeing the pictures I was able to take. If you're ever in Tokyo and have some time to kill...get your company to pay for a trip to DisneySea! Speaking of which, I'd like to thank my coworkers, whose hard work helped our school make the cut and win the trip. I'd also like to thank my company for creating a fun reward for my hard work. My job is very difficult, but it does have its perks. ~Oyasumi!

DisneySea, part 2

~Sure, the roller coaster was fun, and the motion-video ride was a blast. But the best that DisneySea had to offer was yet to come. I knew my day would end up great when I spotted this sign in the "Lost River Delta" area:

^ Indiana Jones Adventure: Temple of the Crystal Skull is a theme coaster; your car rocks around a bit and has a fun sharp turns and drops, but not the same as an actual roller coaster. Instead, the ride was filled with strange animatronic creatures and incredible special effects, complete with Indiana Jones speaking Japanese! Yet another one of Indy's many talents.

^ The ride is in many ways a showpiece for the entire DisneySea amusement park. It even made its way into my hotel room, which offered these Indy-style "Orient Expedition" LEGO sets for sale! I was sorely tempted.

^ The exterior of the ride. This temple was huge and impeccably detailed! Of course, the wait for the ride was a considerable 80 minutes, and led through the temple (and about a quarter-mile of pathway crowded with festering masses of humanity). As with the "Raging Spirits" coaster, there were several interesting displays and things to examine while waiting in line.

^ Indy's desk inside the pyramid, complete with mock 1920's paraphernalia. The newspaper on the desk had a headline which read something akin to, "Indiana Jones Seeks Lost Temple".

^ Indy's hat and glasses, on a unique display stand. "To Be or Not To Be..."

^ A closeup of the chalkboard. My favorite text here is "What is this? Another version of plasma coming out of skull." George Lucas, you've outdone yourself on this one. I'd want this to be made into a movie, but the truth is, the ride is fantastic enough on its own.

^ The eponymous Crystal Skull, the legendary artifact hidden in the temple that protects the Fountain of Youth. This wall mural is inside the temple, glaring down at you as you wait in line. Note all the overgrown vines scattered about, adding to the spooky ambiance.

Just before I boarded the ride, I also noticed some crates with "TO: MARCUS BRODY" stenciled on them. I'd be willing to bet that I was one of the only people that day who understood the reference there.

Once I finally got aboard, the ride was fantastic! My favorite part was where your car rolls between rows of stone masks that shoot out jets of air in front of your face. It feels like poisoned blowgun darts are just narrowly missing you, harking back to "Raiders of the Lost Ark". Speaking of "Raiders", here's a list of 25 reasons to watch the movie again!

^ One of the people I was with had been on the ride before, and he told me when the camera would take our picture (it's right before the rolling boulder *almost* runs over you). I was able to capture the moment with an amusing pose. On the other hand, my coworkers in the middle row were genuinely terrified, and it shows.

^ A closeup of the previous picture. You may recognize this person.

Of course, I couldn't take any of my own pictures on the ride, so you'll have to settle for this video:


~Oyasumi!

DisneySea, part 1

~Over the weekend, I did something a little different: a trip to Tokyo Disney! It was a part of my company's tokubetsu kenshu ("special training"), a reward for schools that exceeded their monetary goals by a certain amount. Thanks to the hard work of my fellow staff members (and myself, for that matter), we made the cut and got an all-expenses-paid trip.

^ The company put us up at the Hilton Tokyo Bay, a hotel so gigantic that I had to stitch three pictures together to show you the whole thing. It's only one of a dozen or so huge hotels that line the perimeter of Tokyo Disney, an insanely popular tourist attraction. A monorail runs around the park perimeter connecting the various hotels.

The Hilton itself was well-appointed; however, I could not suppress a cry of horror when I stepped through the front doors and beheld this sight:

^ Gyahhh! Even on the other side of the planet, you can't escape the iron grip of the Starbucks Empire!

Anyway, on to the park itself. It's actually split into two separate theme parks: "Tokyo Disneyland Park" and "Tokyo DisneySea Park" (yes, it's one word), located on the waterfront. The former is geared more towards children while the latter is intended for a slightly older crowd. My school staff went to DisneySea.

^ Aside from the usual Mikey-Mouse-ears-on-everything motif, 2006 marks the five-year anniversary of the park's opening, so the number "5" was ubiquitous.

^ This fountain and globe greet new arrivals. The water actually pours out from the top of the globe, creating a realistic ocean-water effect. Clever.

^ Here's a stylized map of DisneySea. Being a theme park, it's divided into different themed areas: "Mediterranean Harbor", "Port Discovery", "Mysterious Island", "American Waterfront", "Lost River Delta", "Mermaid Lagoon", and "Arabian Coast". We didn't make it to the last two, but from what I'm told, they're geared more towards young children.

^ The detail of the theme sets was incredible. Obviously, the park designers took a huge amount of time, care, and money to add as much detail as possible. For example, the "American Waterfront" area is designed to simulate a turn-of-the-century American harbor town. It's filled with old-style advertisements and posters, right down to the trays in the restaurants. The dock "warehouses" were deliberately made to look old, beat-up, and well-used. Everything was over-the-top old-fashioned.

^ This railway takes passengers from one side of the park to the other. The train operators wore conductor's uniforms (visible at right) that looked like something out of Thomas the Tank Engine.

^ The volcano in the middle of the park is part of a ride (more on that later), and it made a useful reference point to orient oneself when walking around. I've been playing Sid Meier's Pirates! lately, and when I saw these boats in the harbor, all I could think of was "How many broadsides from my 32-gun frigate, The Black Moon of Santiago, would it take for them to surrender?"

The water area above is part of the "Mediterranean Harbor" section. It became increasingly clear to me that DisneySea truly is a theme park, not an amusement park. It mostly consists of shops, restaurants, and parades; the number of actual rides in the park is quite small and they were all very crowded, averaging a one-hour wait. There was a system called "Fast-pass" that let you get on some rides faster, but I was only able to use it once...in fact, during my visit, I was only able to go on four rides! But they were all awfully good...

^ This strange radar-dish-with-oars was rotating very rapidly on top of one of the buildings at DisneySea.

The first ride I went on was a video motion-simulator ride called "Storm Rider". It's the kind of attraction where you sit down in what looks like a movie theater, and as the video plays, the seats move all around to simulate movement. The story itself was quite clever: you're on an airplane flying into a "Category 5" storm with an experimental "Storm-diffusing missile" to break up the storm (Mom, you'd love it, even though you'd make fun of it).

Naturally, things don't go as planned for the Storm Riders. The attraction included airstrikes and a chase scene, and even sprayed water at the audience! 5 out of 5! Amusingly, the supposed pilot of your Storm Rider airplane was named "Captain Davis". The Japanese teachers with me thought this was hilariously similar to my name, and referred to me as "Captain Davis" for the rest of the day.

^ On the recommendation of a teacher who'd been here before, we made for the jungle "Lost River Delta" area, which featured amazingly-detailed fake Mayan temples. The fire-in-the-water effect in the picture above was very impressive.

^ Here's the same place, but from the side. I think it would look good in my bathroom, although it lacks the severed, preserved, pike-mounted heads of my enemies.

There were two main rides in the jungle area. The first one we went on was a roller coaster called "Raging Spirits". Although we had to wait for 40 minutes to get on it, the queue area was filled with interesting signs and displays to entertain people waiting in line. Here's an example:

^ The whole area was set up like an archaelogical dig. This stone head appears to be in the process of being moved. Although it isn't apparent from the picture. The pulley and ropes would lift the statue up every so often, then lower it back into place.

Also amusing were the announcements in English and Japanese. My personal favorite was, "Please be sure to stow all cameras, telephones, and other personal belongings. Unsecured belongings become offerings to the Raging Spirits!"

^ The coaster itself. It doesn't take up much area, but in loops back in on itself and has several 360 degree loops. There were also mist-generators strategically-placed along the track, which would make your coaster plunge into a fog bank, to the sheer delight or utter disenchantment of the riders. One can never be sure.

Naturally, I took the front seat.

Check back tomorrow for more pictures from my trip to DisneySea, and hopefully less hyphens. ~Oyasumi!