Heat Wave

~Coming to a riot near you: the U.S. military and Raytheon, the world's largest producer of missiles, have developed a heat-ray weapon as a nonlethal way of incapacitating humans. Its rather colorful official name is the "Active Denial System", which would be a good name for a rock band, and it is fired from a large dish mounted on the back of a Humvee or truck.

The system has been plagued with problems and delays, but has finally been perfected. It works by firing an invisible, high-energy beam that produces a feeling of intense burning on the skin of those unlucky enough to be in its path, much like a blast of the extremely hot air that hits you when you open an oven door. The beam can go through clothes but cannot penetrate walls, and has a range of about 500 yards.


Supposedly, the beam only affects the first 0.4 mm of skin, where your nerve endings are located, but it can't actually kill you. Still, I have to wonder what would happen if you were caught in it for a sustained amount of time.

What strikes me about this (if you'll pardon the pun) is a single, briefly-mentioned factoid about this new weapon: the long-term effects of being hit by the beam remain unknown. Seriously, this is like being cooked in a microwave, or sitting in a tanning booth for hours. That can't be good. On the other hand, I'm sure it will be great for interrogations on suspected terrorists.

As "cool" as a ray-gun might sound, I doubt that it will be very useful in Iraq or Afghanistan. Frankly, the weather in Baghdad is already like an oven most of the time, so I don't see how being hit by this will feel any different. Additionally, the microwave dish is very large and, while bullet-resistant, presents a tempting target to some jerk armed with an RPG.

Once it's been hit, there goes what's undoubtedly a multi-million dollar piece of equipment. The troops using it probably don't even have adequate body armor. Well, I guess "you go to war with the army you have, not the one you might want or wish to have at a later time".

Speaking of "a later time", the Active Denial System isn't expected to go into production until 2010 at the earliest. I certainly hope the big Mess O'Potamia has been cleaned up by then. Of course, I'm sure our overlords will find new and exciting wars to sucker our country into, thus necessitating outlandishly futuristic and unfathomably expensive weapons to better obliterate brown people around the world.

Is it just me, or did it just get hot in here? ~Oyasumi...